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The Crow (2024)
Stone the Crow
One thing you can say about The Crow is that is that it has delivered on expectations. They are remaking that crap 90's action film The Crow? Sounds like a bad idea. It's been in development hell for over a decade? It's definitely going to be bad. The Snow White and the Huntsman guy is directing it? His films are quite bad. The trailers out? It looks bad. Film is here? Yeh it's bad.
To call the film a remake is a actually a little unfair, it's really a new adaptation of the graphic novel source material (which sucks to begin with) and directer Rupert Sanders has tried to make the film something more than its 1994 counterpart, he just fails at a very fundamental level.
This is still the story of Eric, brought back from the dead to kill those who offed him and his girl but this time we lean more into the romance side of the tale, with his rampage motivated by the idea of saving his loves soul rather than just seeking vengeance. The problem is that there is a complete lack of any actual romance. We see Eric (Bill Skarsgard) first meet Shelly (FKA Twigs) in rehab and follow them over the few days they know each other before they are murdered. If you think that isn't long enough for true love to take root don't worry, she really loves him because he is "beautifully broken" and he really loves her because he once saw something bad happen to a horse. That's it for the great romance and they are soon killed because Shelly has an incriminating video of bad guy Danny Huston using occult whisperings to make people commit murder (apparently this causes the person soul to be sent to hell despite the fact they weren't in control of themself). Upon Erics death, some guy at a derelict train track decides that the whinny drug addict is the perfect guy to resurrect and send after Hutson.
Whatever you say about the 1994 film, it was dripping in gothic style and has a unique visual identity. This film dispenses with all that in favour of a grimy realism that is just boring to look at. The action is similarly uninspired with some of the blandest fight sequences of the year. Eric isn't supposed to be a master martial artist or anything but the fact he can't die is never used in any interesting way. It's a waste of Skarsgard, who showed in Boy Kills World earlier this year that he has proper action chops. He also has the perfect look for the role but is left floundering with a character that does nothing to endear them to the audience and the kind of dialogue an edgy thirteen year old would scribble in a notepad. It's odd that after so many years of trying to get a reboot off the ground the studio would settle on this nonentity as the version to press ahead with. Everything here is so uninspired it feels like they eventually ran out of patience and decided to just rip the band-aid off.
Aside from a couple of fun dismemberments there really is no entertainment value here unless you are the one in a hundred person the toxic teen romance angle actually connects with. The Crow isn't the most terribly made film you'll see, it's just a big empty vat of zero inspiration and that might be worse. Maybe next time, instead of a crow carrying the souls of the dead to the afterlife it should be a turkey.
4 parties in your apartment even though you know people are trying to kill you out of 10.
Alien: Romulus (2024)
Space (and Body) Invaders
With Alien: Romulus, Fede Alvarez becomes the latest director to try and recreate the magic of Alien and/or Aliens. Unsurprisingly he doesn't get close to those two masterpieces but he does serve an atmospheric slice of sci fi horror that may well scratch an itch for those unimpressed with the heavy handed musings of Prometheus and Alien: Covenant.
Set in the time period between Alien and Aliens, the story of Romulus is a back to basics haunted house but in space tale about a group of young miners attempting to escape corporate servitude by breaking into a derelict space station and liberating enough fuel to keep them in stasis while they reach another developed planet. Turns out the station is more decimated then decommissioned and they soon find themselves on the bottom of the local food chain.
The break in may be a group effort but it's clear from the off that the main focus of the story is Cailee Spaeny's Rain and her "brother" Andy, a salvaged synthetic human played by David Jonsson. Spaeny is an excellent lead, likeable and believable as a modern Ripley who grows in stature to deal with her increasingly grim situation. Jonsson might be even better, following up last years Rye Lane with another star making turn as he plays two different versions of Andy across the runtime. You are pretty much on board with the whole team from the get go (except the one obligatory douchebag) as their circumstances are so dire it feels like this is there only realistic shot at having a life.
Romulus is a slow burn, taking plenty of time to get to the alien action. Building tension is admirable but without the mystery that carried the early parts of the original the set up feels a little laboured. That said, when things kick off, they kick off. Alvarez uses all the skills he learned making The Evil Dead and Don't Breathe to set up insanely tense moments and there are some gnarly kills. For the most part there is a real focus on practical effects and this may be the best a Xenomorph has ever looked. The design really invokes the sexual violation iconography of the original, if something isn't trying to get inside people it's opening up a like a mutant vagina. The impregnation theme culminates in a final showdown that is simultaneously terrifying and goofy and is likely to prove divisive amongst series fans.
The film works best when it is being a stripped down genre movie so the constant desire to scream "this is an Alien film" is actually it's biggest flaw. Call backs to the Nostromo and Colonial Marine pulse rifles are all well and good but when the plot starts to be influenced by the prequels it's a little less welcome. There is also an attempt to drop a classic line that will make most people cringe in their seat.
Where Ridley Scott's last two efforts in this universe were packed with ambition but muddled in execution, Romulus is all execution and very little ambition. It's essentially a remix of what's gone before coated in slick new paint and delivered by someone who knows their way around a horror film. That's good enough for an entertaining two hours.
7 decisions that are best for the company out of 10.
Note: Ian Holm plays a fairly major part in this movie. How can he do that if he died four years ago? By using AI to recreate his face and voice a la Peter Cushing in Rogue One a few years ago. I personally detest this and was tempted to score the film a 1 out of 10 as a result. In the end, it seems his family are happy about it and I'm not sure how egregious everyone else finds it so I decided not to factor it into the review.
Trap (2024)
Trap Me if You Can
At the very least, Trap cements M. Night Shyamalan's place as father of the year 2024. Earlier in the year he produced The Watchers, giving his daughter Ishana her directorial debut and now he sits back in the chair himself to bring us a movie dedicated in part to the musical (and to a lesser extent acting) talents of his other daughter Saleka.
The set up is typically high concept Shyamalan. Friendly neighbourhood fireman Cooper (Josh Hartnett) takes his daughter Riley (Ariel Donoghue) to see pop star Lady Raven (Saleka) in concert. Once there he notices a heavy security presence and discovers the whole thing is set up to catch notorious local serial killer "The Butcher". This a problem for Cooper as he is said serial killer and now he must try and escape the trap without spoiling his darling daughters big day.
The majority of the film takes place completely inside the concert and is pretty solid stuff. Hartnett is great as the psychopath who also happens to be a doting dad. You can see all the emotions at play; increasing panic, concern that his daughters night (and potentially life) may be ruined but also a little excitement and pride at how much attention he has been given. Sure, he's a murderer and you see him do some nasty stuff as he tries to maneuverer his way out of trouble but it's pretty hard not to be at least a little on his side. Fair warning, the way he goes about things is ridiculous and relies on coincidences and especially on people acting unrealistically, you don't get into restricted areas this easily and venue staff and cops aren't this dumb. It's all done in the name of fun though and you'll be entertained as long as you're suspension of disbelief can handle it. It helps the the concert element of the film really is well done and Saleka herself is clearly a musical talent. When it comes time for her to act things get a little bit dicier but she is far from the worst a proud parent has ever forced upon an audience.
Unfortunately, things don't end with the concert. Shyamalan can't help himself and stretches out a third act past at least three logical stoping points. After the characters leave the stadium there are escapes, reveals and a blatant opportunity for the directors daughter to wow us with her piano skills. None of this feels particularly necessary and will leave you wishing this performance hadn't bothered with an encore.
Trap is definitely not "Silence of the Lambs at a concert" as the director has bizarrely described it. Not simply because of the gulf in quality but because the two films have absolutely nothing in common either tonally or in terms of story and character. What Trap is, is a breezy thriller with a unique set up that is plenty of fun. Until it isn't any more.
6 over chatty merch sellers out of 10.
Borderlands (2024)
Bord-L-ands
Borderlands is a strange game to make a film adaptation of. Being a "looter-shooter" it is light on narrative and character with the joy of the game coming from unleashing ludicrous weapons upon hordes of enemies. In order to succeed the movie really needed to nail the wacky tone and look of the game's world while adding in sufficient story and character to make the audience care about what is going on. You could generously say director Eli Roth succeeds at half of one of these goals.
It may be harsh to pin the films shortcomings on Roth as it is unclear how much of this is the movie he signed up to make. Announced in 2015 and in active development since 2020 the script underwent multiple re writes and had Tim Miller come in for weeks of reshoots after Roth departed the project. The horror veteran certainly seems an odd fit for what ended up being a PG13 action comedy. There is defiantly a much better Borderlands movie that could have been made if he'd been allowed to unleash his full on blood and guts style. As it is, even Roths previous family move The House With a Clock in Its Walls had considerably more edge than this.
And boy could this movie have used a little edge. Things look great, the unique visual style of the games is represented about as well as live action can manage but everything else is just half baked. The action is derivative and feels small, the hit and miss juvenile humour of the games is less funny here and even the actors feel like they are at half throttle. Kate Blanchett is great to begin with as a cynical and over it bounty hunter but as her storyline becomes more and more cheese and forced emotion it becomes clear she is miss cast. Kevin Hart seems stuck between doing his usual comedy schtick and playing a leading action man. Jack Black's robot Claptrap is (for better or worse) one of the game's most memorable characters but this less self important version feels like a cheap Jack Black impression. Ariana Greenblatt comes off best, giving sass and kicking ass as deranged teen Tiny Tina but she is hampered by having to be as much plot mcguffin as character.
Said plot is nothing to write home about as a soldier, a bounty hunter, a psycho (big muscly guy who talks funny) and a motormouth robot on one wheel travel across a lawless planet with a kid to find a hidden vault that the kid is the key to opening while the evil corporation they stole the kid from pursues them. It's a perfectly serviceable means of getting the characters from A to B to C which would be fine for a film of this type if the character back and forth was enough to liven things up, sadly that's where Borderlands is really lacking. This cast should have been a hoot to hang out with but the dialogue is beyond lazy with awkward exposition and stilted banter. The characters want to be out there but with no straight man to play off none of them deliver.
Borderlands is a fairly sizeable miss, which is a shame because there it's clear that the project had ambition but it needed more. More spirit, more individuality and more time and effort put into the script.
5 decent bits of loot from 10 crates.
Cuckoo (2024)
Cuckoo Goes There?
With German/American co production Cuckoo, distributer Neon looks to emulate the success of last month's Longlegs with another atmospheric chiller. Writer/director Tilman Singer's English debut is less occult tinderbox and more a modern twist on the classic horror tropes of mad scientists and monsters in the dark but it is another unique frightener with its own distinct style.
Hunter Schafer plays Gretchen, an American teen who forced to move to Germany to live with her Father and his new family in a resort village in the mountains. It's immediately apparent that all is not well as creepy resort owner Herr Konig (Dan Stevens) is adamant she should not be outside on her own and her mute step sister starts to exhibit some strange behaviour. Add in parents seemingly completely in the thrall of Mr Konig and a detective trying to get Gretchen's attention and the stage is set for a messily plotted but enthralling 100 minutes.
There is a lot going on in Cuckoo as tension and terrifying moments are mixed with notes of grief, isolation, sexuality and family bonds. The fish out water, family displacement set up is something we are used to seeing in young teen friendly horror but there is nothing junior about some of the scares here and the film does an admirable job of treading the line between the two different tones. One of the reasons it can do this is the outstanding central performance from Hunter Schafer in her first lead role. A mix of awkwardness and breezy cool she conveys being frightened, lonely and distraught without ever becoming a hysterical victim and turns into a kick ass final girl. Dan Stevens is great as the enigmatic man in charge and solidifies his status as one of those actor that automatically make any film they are in ten percent better.
There are some frustrations (you'll want to punch the dad's face in) and the flow of events is a little disjointed. Giving everything an air of surreality is great but there are at least two occasions where blatantly obvious story points are head-scratchingly presented as big reveals and some characters are left a little too obtuse.
There isn't much else to be said as giving any of the particulars away would do a disservice to the unique, icky and kind of goofy central conceit of the film and the people who get the most out of Cuckoo will be those willing to let it into their nest no questions asked.
7 remarkable creatures out of 10 parasites .
A Quiet Place: Day One (2024)
Silent Bite
There are three main reasons somebody would go to see A Quiet Place : Day One. 1. They are a fan of the first two movies in the series. 2. They dug the apocalyptic alien invasion vibes of the trailer. 3. They enjoyed director Micheal Sarnoski's previous (and only other) film Pig. It is the third group who are most likely to be satisfied.
Lupita Nyong'o stars as Sam, a terminally ill cancer patient on a last visit into New York when a meteorite shower brings the "Death Angels" to Earth and all of a sudden making a noise equals meeting a grizzly end. Given her situation Sam reasons that the bliss of one final slice of pizza is worth more than a few hours/days/weeks living in pain and fear so sets off towards Harlem and her favourite pizzeria. On the way she encounters Eric (Joseph Quinn) who, in shock and thousands of miles from his family in the UK, needs a goal to focus on and resolves to help her achieve her dying wish whether she wants him to or not.
These events unfold much more like an intimate character piece than a grand alien invasion or scary monster movie. It's the story of a dying poet smelling library books, trying to invoke childhood memories and generally squeezing in a final few moments of joy as the last grains of sand drop through her hourglass. It's the story of a scared young man finding a way to carry on when the only plan he had for life comes to a sudden, bloody end. It's also the story of a bemused but chill cat wondering what the hell is going on. The fact most of their developing relationship plays out in near silence gives it emotional nuance and allows both actors to show their depth. With natural warmth and expressive eyes it's easy to see why Joseph Quinn has shot to the top of casting director lists post Stranger Things but this is mostly Lupita Nyong'o's show and she is great. Within five minutes of meeting Sam you are instantly on board with her resigned and dignified but justifiably bitter character and she anchors everything with a down to earth humanity you rarely ever see in a film of this type. You will really want her to get that pizza.
The monster invasion "Quiet Place" stuff the film was sold on actually comprise its least compelling parts. We've already seen the moment of contact in the previous film's flashback and moving it to the big city doesn't make it feel any grander since we are still following a single persons perspective. There's also a sense of fatigue about the set pieces that come in the same two flavours as the previous films. Either the aliens are prowling around making generic clicking noises while someone silently hides or they are barrelling around knocking things over as they make a meal out of catching prey a fraction of their speed. There is tension but it comes from the fact you really want the characters to succeed rather than from any well crafted horror beats and while scenes of a deserted and dust shrouded New York are atmospheric the creatures themselves have really lost their intimidation factor three movies in.
Day One is a much more textured film than it needs to be and hits emotional heights you wouldn't expect but there is a sense it two separate films overlayed on top of each other and one of them is much weaker than the other.
7 Water features to hide your voice out of 10 silent locations.
Twisters (2024)
Let's Twist Again Like We Did 28 Summers Ago
Another month, another legacy sequel although, in fairness, Twisters doesn't share any direct connection to its 1996 predecessor Twister. Well, they are both set in Oklahoma and heavily feature spinning wind but if you're waiting for a Laura Dern cameo then keep waiting. It is though, about as 90's as a modern film can be. There's ridiculously cheesy dialogue about people wanting to make a difference and tornados "coming for everything we love". It's as all American as can be with blaring country music and star spangled banners flying over rodeos. It's a little bit sexist, with the female lead, on more than one occasion, screaming as she shelters from the wind with a big tough man standing between her and the worst of it. It really does capture the spirit of the decade.
The story follows Daisy Edgar Jones as Kate Cooper, a meteorological whizz kid who is tempted back into the field by a friend and fellow survivor of a disastrous encounter with a tornado five years previously. Apparently the trauma of watching your friends die is nothing weighed against the need to gather data on weather phenomena and Kate's expertise is desperately needed on the ground as modern computers can't compete with her twister sense and ability to watch dandelions blow in the wind. Once out there she crosses paths with YouTube star Tyler "The Tornado Wrangler" Owens played by Glenn Powell, who is instantly impressed and immediately starts hitting on her with his southern charm. A brash and cocky thrill seeker, he is, of course, a good guy at heart and may be able to help Kate with her one time dream of stopping tornadoes.
It turns out Kate has returned in just the nick of time as the twisters batter Oklahoma with such regularity, force and seemingly intentional malice that this film feels as much like an alien invasion or giant monster movie as anything else. While attempts to make the stakes feel apocalyptic come across fairly ridiculous the tornadoes themselves are pretty spectacular and that's really what you are here for. The breezy charm of Jones and Powell carry the downtime between tornadoes and they have an entertaining enough bunch of one dimensional side characters to bounce off.
Twister was no Top Gun so Twisters doesn't match up to Top Gun: Maverick as far as spectacular revivals go (give them all the call signs you want, storm chasers just aren't as cool as fighter pilots) but it is equally successful at bringing the spirit of its predecessor into the 21st century. Good fun, unless you really hate Americana. Or wind.
7 tornadoes light up by by fireworks out of 10.
Longlegs (2024)
The Devil is in the Dolltails
First things first, the marketing team for Longlegs have played an absolute blinder. In a world of trailers that give away entire films they stuck to atmospheric teasers and, crucially, kept Nicholas Cage's titular serial killer more or less completely in reserve. A brave decision that allows the films choice of slowly revealing one of the most disturbing antagonist of recent times to have maximum bite.
The film follows timid FBI agent Lee Harker (Maika Monroe) who, upon revealing herself to potentially be physic, is seconded to a long unsolved serial killer case that involves multiple families being butchered in apparent murder suicides. The only connections are the murder dates and cryptic letters left at the scenes by someone named "Longlegs". Once Harker gets involved the long cold case comes to the boil and she discovers she herself may be linked to the killer.
Anyone who has seen director Osgood Perkins previous work will know the son of Norman Bates has his own pace, a slow one. This film is no different, dolling out plot and reveals sparsely but that isn't to say time is wasted. The atmosphere is oppressive, with just enough jarring sound and jump scares to keep the audience on their toes without ever relieving the tension. More often than not that open door behind the protagonist is just an open door but you can never be sure something isn't about to walk past. Especially after the first few minutes of the movie let you know the rug can be pulled at any time. A veteran of quality horror titles like It Follows, Monroe knows exactly how to draw the viewer in with her performance, carrying the quieter moments and anchoring the more outrageous.
Speaking of which, Longlegs himself is a sight (and sound) to behold. Glimpsed and heard in snippets for the first half of the film he is Nic Cage in full "Nic Cage" mode but through a creepy, disgusting lens you won't have seen before and will probably be grateful to never see again. Cackling and warbling like a demented southern preacher under heavy prosthetics it's a no holds barred performance and the fact that it doesn't just work in such a physiological film as this but completely elevates it is testament to the skill of both the actor and the director.
Not everything here is up to the quality of the performances and tension building. The actual events struggle to live up to the atmosphere and once you've spent a decent bit of time with creepy Cage what happens after feels like an anticlimax. The story also relies on some clunky exposition to explain itself and even then it doesn't feel like events are completely crystal clear. As a result, the detective side of the story is fairly unsatisfying.
Longlegs is not quite an edge of your seat fright fest and certainly not a Silence of the Lambs calibre dark police thriller but it is a disquieting and macabre mood piece that has its own unique style and features a horror villain for the ages.
7 creepy doll prizes out of 10.
The Fall Guy (2024)
The Fall and Get Back up Guy
The Fall Guy is a is hard movie to slap a genre on. It's an action film. It's a rom-com. It's an old fashioned star vehicle. The result is a very entertaining but niche $130 million love letter to the stunt community that leans hard on two insanely charismatic leads.
In fairness, calling Ryan Gosling and Emily Blunt co leads is a bit of a stretch as it is really the story of Gosling's stunt man Colt Seavers. He begins the film loved up with camera women Jody Moreno (Blunt) before an accident at work causes him to lose confidence in himself and ghost her. Eighteen months later he gets a call asking him to come out of stunt exile to help on Jody's directorial debut but things don't work out as he hoped when Jody doesn't actually want him there and he is roped into tracking down the productions missing leading man, an ab flaunting, obnoxious idiot played by Aaron Taylor-Johnson.
Gosling is in full movie star mode here, buffed up and charismatic even though Colt is something of an idiot and clearly in way over his head. He is great in the action scenes as the stuntman uses his trade skills on instinct to, just about, stay one step ahead of villains trying to off him and his chemistry with Blunt really carries the movie. It's a pity the writers couldn't find a way for them to have more scenes together, or fit Blunt in more full stop. She is great every time she is on screen, levelling gosling with deadpan humour and effortlessly avoiding the frat bro lite or one note sarcasm vibe these type of characters are often saddled with. There are also some fun side characters, including a dog called Jean Claude who, provided you can speak French, seems to have a human level understanding of everything that is said.
A moderately remembered TV show from the eighties may seem a strange subject for a movie of this scale but it's clear director David Leitch is out to pay some respect to Hollywood's stunt performers. Himself a former stuntman, the Deadpool 2 and Bullet Train helmer puts together some great set pieces which are even more impressive once you've watched the on set footage of how they were done that runs alongside the credits. There are shots fired at actors who claim to do all their own stunts with Taylor-Johnson's braggart "world's biggest action star" terrified of doing stunts despite his boasts and multiple references to Tom Cruise.
Impressive stunts, real laughs and star power mean The Fall Guy is a fun couple of hours but it isn't completely smooth sailing. The ending is a little drawn out and with Chekhov's Guns needing unloaded all over the place the self referential script can come across a little smug. Still, an original action movie this inventive and entertaining is always a welcome sight.
7 speedboats jumping over 10 explosions.
Tarot (2024)
Horror Scopes and Horror Tropes
Catching a film like Tarot in the cinema in 2024 is weird. It feels like one of those horror films that just sort of appear on a streaming service. One you find deep in bowels of Amazon Prime, take a chance on and are pleasantly surprised to find is more or less fine. Up on the big screen it's still fine but its shortcomings are made very apparent.
To its credit the film wastes no time in getting to the point. It begins with seven friends in a mansion they rented for one of their birthdays and within the first ten minutes main character Haley has read the group their fortunes from a cursed deck of tarot cards they find in the basement. Once they return home the friends begin to be picked off one by one courtesy of a ghost/monster taking the shape of whichever card was drawn in their reading. Exactly how they kill them is a bit muddled, at first it seems they are scaring their victims into "Final Destination" ing themselves but at other times they become more hands (or saws) on.
This lack of clarity runs throughout the film. Tarot cards are great for ominous sounding names and creepy pictures but beyond that the film makers seem far more interested in zodiac signs so invent a weird mythology where the combination of tarot and horoscope is some sort of super magic. This way they don't have to waste time with character build up and can just assign each character their star sign as personality. Thumbs up for efficiency but it doesn't exactly have you routing for the casts survival, especially with the inane filler dialogue they spout anytime they aren't filling the audience in on exactly what is happening. In fact it's downright disappointing anytime one of them doesn't die. The one exception being Paxton, purely because he is played by Jacob Balton (Ned in the MCU Spiderman films) and his inherent likability has you wanting him to stick around.
Looking forward to characters dying isn't necessarily an issue for a horror film but there aren't enough kills, and they aren't inventive enough to be enjoyable. Tarot is entry level horror so nothing too scary occurs and there isn't any gore, not a problem in itself but when you have a whole deck of cards to inspire the kills someone running in front of a train doesn't really cut it. The feeling of being underwhelmed is reinforced by an air of cheapness. Apart from a brief chat with a cop the seven characters are completely alone, wandering empty streets and corridors. This could be a stylistic choice but combined with the terminally dull lighting it feels like a budget squeeze.
The good things to say about Tarot are that it's competently made and at close to ninety minutes dead on it doesn't take up too much of your time. Compared to some other bargain bin horror out their that's close to a recommendation but it feels made for TV, not the big screen.
5 "this decks kinda strange"s out of 10.
Challengers (2024)
Grand Slam
After watching the trailer you'd be forgiven for thinking Challengers is a teen sex comedy about two guys trying to sleep with their tennis coach. To say that this is underselling this film would be like saying Roger Federer was kind of decent with a racquet.
The film begins with tennis champion Art Donaldson (Mike Faist) trying to prepare for the US Open after a career threatening injury. His wife and coach Tashi (Zendaya), herself a prodigy who's playing career was ended by injury, enters him in a small time challenger event to help grow his confidence. Plans for an easy win go out the window when he comes up against Patrick Zweig (Josh O'Conner), a journeyman player who is Art's former best friend and Tashi's former boyfriend. The narrative cuts between the match, the week leading up to the match and the proceeding decade, charting the relationship between the three characters while the match plays out and reflects who is on top at various stages of their history.
The character work on show here is outstanding. You'd be hard pressed to describe any of them as particularly good people, they're motivated by varying degrees of selfishness, resentment and arrogance but the three of them are so rounded and real that you can't dislike anyone for long. It helps that they all drip their own distinct brand of sex appeal. Art is the all American boy next door, sensitive and dedicated. Opposite him is Patrick, held back by arrogance but smothered in charm and machismo. In the middle is Tashi, displaying and only interested in perfection, cutting down anyone who isn't up to her standard (which is everyone) with a withering glare. All three are the product of sublime writing fusing with ace acting, when they aren't delivering debut screenwriter Justin Kuritzkes zingers their faces tell you everything you need to know.
The focus may be on messy relationships but Challengers also stands as a great sports movie. A tennis based dramedy may seem an odd choice for director Luca Guadagnino but it turns out his in your face style suits it perfectly. He has a ball filming the matches, using every possible angle and every camera shot imaginable to draw in the viewer, there is no need for even a passing interest in the sport to enjoy it here. The way the characters personalities are intrinsically linked to the their attitudes towards tennis means the human drama is linked to the sporting in a way other film rarely come close to.
A couple of things do make Challengers a little challenging. The time jumping is constant and not always accompanied by a notification, meaning it can occasionally take a minute or two to establish which timeline you are in. The pumping techno lite score matches the films energy but it's full on and threatens to overrun the on screen events. There's also an argument to be made that it runs a little long, 130 minutes is hardly a marathon by todays standards but the screenplay could be a smidge leaner.
It would be a horrendous unforced error for anyone to allow these minor niggles to stop them checking out what Challengers is serving up. Funny and clever it's one of Guadagnino's best films, a sparkling calling card from a new screenwriter and a fantastic showcase for the talents of it's three leads.
9 balls pressed to the neck of a racquet out of 10.
Boy Kills World (2023)
The Boy in the Blood Red Pyjamas
The premise of Boy Kills World is both entirely familiar and also somewhat unique. You've seen "man goes on a murderous rampage of revenge" about a dozen times at this point right? What about "deaf/mute man raised by a forest shaman goes on a murderous rampage of revenge in a near future dystopia with a video game aesthetic"? Maybe not so much.
Well thats what's on the table here. Bill Skarsgard saw his family killed by Hilda Van Der Koy and has been living with "The Shaman" in the years since. The Shaman isn't big on affection, solely focusing on raising the boy to be a killing machine and given he is played by Yayan Ruhain of The Raid fame you know he is teaching the kid to be badass. Meanwhile, Hilda (Famke Janssen) and her family have been busy running the unnamed city as a consumerist dystopia with the highlight of the year being an event called "The Culling", where twelve enemies of the state are killed in a violent TV programme with mascots and family themed commercial sponsorship. When Boy (Skarsgard's character is never given a name) witnesses people being rounded up for the big event he decides it's time to begin his bloody quest for vengeance.
We are guided through the story by Boy's inner monologue and conversations he has with a vision of his dead sister but given he doesn't know what his own voice would sound like the lines are delivered by the smooth tones of the announcer from his favourite childhood arcade game. Said voice belongs to Harry Jon Benjamin in a choice that fits the tone perfectly but may be a little distracting to Bob's Burgers fans. The arcade game influence carries over to the aesthetic with the Van Der Koy soldiers dressed like they stepped out of a first person shooter, bright colours and over the top violence that's as cartoonish as it is visceral. Sam Rami is a producer and this is the second year in a row he has overseen a movie with some gnarly cheese-grater action. Director Moritz Mohr is making his feature film debut and he handles the action with aplomb, serving up stylised fight scenes that are inventive and bone crunching, although the constantly swooping and circling camera can be taxing.
It's just as well the action sections are good since, while there is humour, plot twists and a little message about the futility of revenge, Boy Kills World is really just a procession of escalating fight scenes. The revenge action thriller is a pretty crowded genre these days and this effort doesn't quite have enough in the tank to stand with the absolute best in class but it does have enough style and individuality to stand on its own.
7 finish him's out of 10.
Abigail (2024)
Little Red Flying Blood
Abigail sees a bunch of career criminals locked in a mansion and forced to face off against a little girl ballerina who just happens to also be a centuries old vampire. It's ridiculously over the top and seasoned with lashings of gore but is never quite as much fun as you think it should be.
The film begins with the kidnapping of Abigail (Alisha Weir) by a motley crew of crims led by Dan Stevens and consisting of Melissa Barrera (the main protagonist), Angus Cloud (idiot of the group), Kathryn Newton (rich girl here for kicks), Kevin Durand (big guy) and Will Catlett (ex military guy). They take her to a secluded mansion where Giancarlo Esposito tells them to sit tight for 24 hours while he collects a bounty from the girls wealthy father. Turns out the little girl is actually a vampire and the diminutive bloodsucker soon turns their expected pay day into a fight for survival.
It's a pity Abigail was released at a time when trailers feel they have to spell out exactly what a film is about in order to get bums in seats. Obviously vampire ballerina sells more tickets than mysterious crime film about a kidnapping but the advertising has robbed the movie of one of its best tools. The first act focuses on the group slowly realising they have been set up when Abigail reveals her dad is a feared crime lord who there is zero chance of getting a pay out from and when people start dropping dead they first suspect they are being picked off by a legendary hitman in the employ of the girl's father. A paranoia filled 10-15 minutes about which of the crew is working against the rest could have been one of the most fun sections of the film and would have ended in a killer reveal but with everything laid out by the marketing it just feels like needless filler.
The cast of characters themselves are entertaining enough (especially Stevens and Newton) but a problem arrises when you realise they aren't there simply to get pulled apart but you're actually expected to root for at least one of the child snatchers. Note to film makers, simply saying a character is a parent (especially a dead beat one) doesn't instantly excuse their bad actions. In fact, when said bad actions are drugging and abducting someone else's child it actually makes them seem worse. The failed attempt at garnering empathy really comes home to roost in a muddled ending that needlessly attempts to tie up all the guts and silliness in a feel good message about parenting.
There is still plenty of enjoyment to be had with film. As mentioned above, the characters are pretty entertaining and there are some gory and fun set pieces, particularly an early botched attempt at slaying the diminutive bloodsucker. Speaking of which, Alisha Weir is a superstar. About as far removed from her all singing, all dancing (well all singing anyway) performance in Matilda The Musical as you can imagine she is convincing as the scared victim but absolutely revels in her murderous turn, tormenting her captors turned captives with terrifying glee.
So there is fun to be had but Abigail doesn't quite come together to be more than the sum of its parts and some questionable choices keep it from rising above the reasonably entertaining category.
6 levitating pirouettes out 10.
Civil War (2024)
Blood Spangled Banner
Civil War may be about a war in America but don't be fooled into thinking it's a satire of current US politics. That's not say it has no political opinions, just that they are universal rather than Washington specific. Much as this approach may disappoint people who need to be constantly reassured they are on the right side of the debate it keeps the water clear so we can focus on what the movie is really about, journalism.
The story takes place in the near future where a fascist president is attempting to fight off an uprising led by the combined states of Texas and California (see, no current politics here). With the rebel army getting ready to march on Washington a group of journalists attempt to make the journey down from New York to the capital. What fallows is essentially a road movie that espouses the virtue of impartial journalism and takes a look at the kind of people who happily throw themselves in harms way to secure the big story.
The travellers encompass various stages of a journalism career. There's upstart stowaway Jessie (Cailee Spaeny), nearing the end of the line Sammy (Stephen McKinlay), top of his game Joel (Wagner Moura) and Kirsten Dunst's legendary photographer Lee Smith who has become jaded and is starting to feel the weight of all the horrors she has seen. Civil War may be director Alex Garlands love letter to the stalwart journalists he grew up admiring but it's no fluff piece, the characters are seekers of truth but they come with some pretty major flaws. Gung ho attitudes endanger lives and the desire to witness the action crosses over into outright ghoulishness at some points. The group as a whole are likeable though and the interactions feel real, adding to the tension.
And boy is there tension. This is not a bombastic, all action, conflict movie but a terse and grounded look at the messiness and cruelty of domestic war. The setting makes proceedings feel close to home (even us non Americans are so used to seeing the US on the big screen it's eerily familiar) and Garland shows a deft hand in creating his world. Pockets of normality punctuate the the house to house fighting and militia hotspots, juxtaposing the mundane against the horrifying. The director isn't afraid to let moments of silence linger, particularly during a terrifying encounter with a Jessie Plemons (aka mister Kirsten Dunst) led group of self-styled patriots.
Compared to Garland's other work Civil War does occasionally feel a bit "filmy". The young photographer character feels like a bit of a cypher, although Spaeny does a good job of bringer her to life, and it is fairly obvious where the various character stories are going.
This is a small complaint though when you consider the the craft and urgency of the filmmaking on display. Here's hoping Garland doesn't follow through on his plan to make this his last movie.
8 renegade states out of 10.
The First Omen (2024)
Prayin' Like it's 1976
The First Omen could easily have arrived as a cynical cash grab (may well be that was the original intention) but, like last years Evil Dead Rise, it has clearly fallen into the hands of someone who loves and understands the original. That's not to say it isn't without issues.
This is a direct prequel to 1976 classic The Omen and focuses on how demonic hellspawn Damian came to be born. Obviously, there is only so much milage to be garnered from "person has baby" as a plot so a fair chunk of the story focuses on mystery. Margaret Diano (Nell Tiger Free) arrives in Rome to help at an orphanage as she prepares to take the veil. It quickly becomes apparent something spooky is afoot, especially since Father Brennan (Ralph Ineson) keeps accosting her in the street to warn her about a sinister church plot to bring forth the antichrist. The plot tries to get some milage out of exactly how they plan to do this but there isn't much to it and the "twist" is so obvious it's a strange decision to present it as one.
A good horror isn't about plot though, it's about atmosphere and The First Omen has it in spades. At $30 million it's fairly expensive for a film of this type but every penny is visible on screen and first time director (of films anyway) Arkasha Stevenson imbues the film with real style. The film is clearly made with a reverence for not just The Omen but all the horror classics of that era. Despite the methodical pace the movie doesn't skimp on frights either. There's scares of the creepy, unsettling kind, jumps and even some gruesome body horror and they're well paced, making sure there isn't time for the audience to ever get too comfortable.
The performances are also good. Free is a likeable lead, showing vulnerability but with enough steel that she never strays into wide-eyed faun territory. The other nuns are all well portrayed too, including authoritative Mother Superior (Sonia Braga), a suspicious true believer (Ishtar Currie-Wilson) and free spirited initiate (Maria Caballero). Bill Nighy is on hand as the priest in charge of the orphanage and there's even a small appearance by Charles Dance.
At two hours long it feels like there could have been a little fat trimmed off and clunky namedropping near then end is a bit cheesy but The First Omen is a classy horror movie that, takes its time yes, but delivers on atmosphere and spooks.
7 salacious jackals out of 10.
Ghostbusters: Frozen Empire (2024)
Ghostbusted
Ghostbusters : Frozen Empire continues the trend of diminishing returns from Ghostbusters as a franchise. Worse, it's the first time a 'Busters film has fallen into outright bad territory. After the classic 1984 original 1989's sequel was considered a disappointment (although it raked it in at the box office) but still had the charisma of its predecessors iconic cast. The female led reboot in 2016 was fun action comedy but didn't stand up the legendary original. In 2021 they started again with Afterlife, pitching Ghostbusters as Stranger Things in order to move things to a small town and test the water without having to bust the bank. Frozen Empire is a direct sequel to that film (and by extension the first two) but feels like little more than a corporate exercise in mud flinging to see what sticks.
We start off with a ghost chase through New York, where Callie Spengler (Carrie Coon), her kids Trevor (Finn Wolfhard) and Phoebe (Mckenna Grace) and Gary Grooberson (Paul Rudd) now live in the iconic firehouse as a family of Ghostbusters. This is a pretty good way of fusing the old and the new and would have been a solid base to build the story from but unfortunately things get messy quickly with a constant assault of characters both old and new. These include but are not limited to; the return of Ghostbuster hating bureaucrat Walter Peck from the original movie, Ray Stantz, Lucky and Podcast from the previous film, Emily Alyn Linda as a possibly friendly ghost, James Acaster as a scientist, Kamail Nanjiani as the mcguffin introducer, OG receptionist Janine and Winston Zedmore as the Nick Fury of the extended Ghostbusters universe the studio desperately want to happen. With so many characters most of them are left with little to do. Nanjiani and Acaster do well with what time they have while pretty much none of the legacy cast feel like they need to be there apart from maybe Winston. As far as one goes, Phoebe Spengler is the main character. This is the sensible choice but while Mckenna Grace puts in a good performance the character spends most of the film whining and moping. Smart teenager who needs to learn to trust and appreciate the people around them is a classic story arc but when Phoebe's response to making a mistake that probably comes with a pretty high body count is to wallow in self pity she is pretty hard to get behind.
The lack of focus carries over to the story. The plot involves a mysterious brass ball that contains your standard unimaginable evil but nobody seems too perturbed by it and it's happily left on the back burner while the army of characters carry out their various side quests, such as Trevor trying to catch Slimer (remember him!), Walter Peck (remember him!) still trying to shut the Ghostbusters down thirty years later and Ray encountering the library ghost from the first movie (remember her!) that they apparently never bothered going back to deal with. Maybe they're content to leave well enough alone because they know it contains a particularly lame and stupid looking villain, even in a series not know for great antagonists.
It would be uncharitable to say the film is a total right off. The cast are game and mostly do well with what they are given, stuff is constantly happening so even the most impatient kids will struggle to be outright bored and it may tickle the nostalgia bone for some people. Overall though, Frozen Empire aims to simultaneously recreate past glories and usher in a new era but throws too much at both to succeed in either.
5 "I understand if you hate me"'s out of 10 potential apocalypses started.
Monkey Man (2024)
Ain't Got Time For No Monkey Business
The journey Monkey Man has taken to get the big screen sounds almost as arduous as the revenge quest its title character embarks upon. About to lose funding due to the pandemic, director/writer/star Dev Patel was able to find a hotel on a small Indonesian island that could house the cast and crew. Not being able to bring in new personnel or equipment the story of making the film is one of cameras dangling from string, tables being glued back together so they can be smashed multiple times and crew members standing in for extras. Not to mention Patel himself breaking his hand during filming. Once completed it sat on a shelf with backers Netflix nervous to release it on their platform due to the movies scathing attitude towards right wing Indian politics. Enter Jordan Peele and his Monkey Paw productions who scooped the project up to give it the cinema release it deserves.
The story begins with Patel's unnamed character scraping a living by taking beatings in an underground fight club while trying to find an in at a notorious club frequented by unsavoury high rollers. He wants his foot in the door so he can begin his quest for revenge against the people who destroyed his childhood community.
While Monkey Man is an action revenge movie it isn't your standard John Wick wannabe (although Reeves suit wearing death dealer is mentioned). For starters it spends a lot longer in getting the action started, spending a fairly lengthy first act establishing character and setting pieces on the board. The main character is also more raw and real, sure he kicks unfathomable amounts of ass but he's also fallible and fails, looking all the more a hero as he dusts himself off and goes again. The real difference though is in the genuine anger on display, not just in Patel's onscreen pain but radiating from behind the camera. There is a sense of real hatred toward abuse of power, social disparity and the miss treatment of the marginalised. The Hijira (intersex\transgender communities) are not only present but are vital to the story and taking part in one of the best fight sequences. Meanwhile the villains of the piece are phoney guru labour exploiters, hardline politicians and corrupt cops. The strong moustachioed policeman archetype so often the hero in Bollywood stories is here a primary antagonist, a sneering and self-serving abuser of power. The film has yet to secure a release date in India.
In terms of action, Monkey Man is up there with the best of the genre, with bone crunching and inventive throw downs. We see our vigilante lead buy and practice using a gun but firearms don't really play a part once the touch paper is lit. Instead he grabs whatever is at hand as he punches, stabs and bludgeons his way through whoever gets in his face. Despite being a for real world championship medalist in taekwondo Patel says he had to make his own action movie as he would only ever be cast as the nerdy best friend otherwise. Turns out he's a natural action star, looking suave in a suit, chiseled out of stone underneath and flawlessly selling both dishing out and taking a beating. Hollywood has been missing out.
There are a couple of rough edges on display. The constantly moving camera puts the audience in the middle of the action but may be a bit much too frenetic for some people's taste. It's also a fairly grim movie, the past that haunts our hero is truly horrific and the moments of triumph are more vindication than exuberance. That said there are some light hearted scenes and funny characters on hand to lighten the mood.
Overall, Monkey Man is a hell of calling card for both a new action action star and exciting new director who just so happen to be the same person. Just don't come in expecting a breezy action caper.
8 Hindu legends out of 10 men in monkey masks.
Mothers' Instinct (2024)
Which Mother Knows Best?
Mothers' Instinct is set in 1960 and aims to be a throwback to the glossy thrillers of that era. More specifically, it feels like a stab at aping Hitchcock, marrying tense psychodrama with grand visuals and crowd pleasing twists. Needles to say, it falls some way short of matching the Master of Suspense.
Jessica Chastain and Anne Hathaway play Alice and Celine. They are neighbours, friends and both parents of young boy who are also close. When Celine's son dies in a tragic accident, Alice becomes convinced her grieving friend blames her and is plotting revenge.
First time director Benoit Delhomme is an experienced cinematographer and it shows with the film's aesthetic being one of its greatest strengths. It's a small film, set mostly in and around a couple of houses but the period setting is beautifully observed and every shot is painstakingly composed. The pastel colours and stunning costumes are in stark contrast to the grim goings on and provide insight into the characters and their mood.
Mothers' Instinct's other big plus, or rather pluses, are its two leads. This isn't the first time Chastain and Hathaway have been in a film together but it is the first time they've shared the screen and they play off each other expertly. Whether they're being bosom buddies, suspicious frenemies or outright adversaries they are magnetic. Even when one of them is alone in a room they are telling the story with every facial movement. A strong supporting cast help them along the way but it's really the leading ladies show.
Unfortunately all the style and great acting is hung on a screenplay that just isn't up to the task. There are moments of tension but it never really feels like it's escalating, Mothers Instinct treads the shallows for most of its runtime before abruptly diving off the deep end for a conclusion. There's nothing wrong with keeping things subtle but an ending like the one we get here should be built towards, not feel like it could have come out of nowhere at any time. It also doesn't help that the strory goes in the most predictable direction open to it and in the process robs both main characters of any interesting nuance they had built up.
So Mothers' Instinct is ultimately a letdown, especially for the leads. Performances this good shouldn't be portraying a story this underbaked.
6 clandestine autopsies out of 10.
Godzilla x Kong: The New Empire (2024)
They Did the Monster Mash
Godzilla X Kong : The New Empire may sound like erotic fan fiction written by a Kaiju obsessive but its actually the 5th instalment in a decade spanning (how time flies) franchise. 2014's Godzilla finally brought the legendary lizard to Hollywood in a way that wasn't a complete embarrassment but struggled to marry the disparate parts of family drama and giant monster smackdown. Skull Island was a fun mystery island adventure. King of the Monsters went for epic, end of the world monster stakes and Godzilla vs Kong leaned into the silliness of it all. This film takes the ridiculousness of its predecessor and runs with it. And runs and runs.
The plot, such as it is, involves a villainous giant ape named The Skar King imprisoned in the Hollow Earth attempting to conquer the surface world. Don't worry if that sounds like a bit of an underwhelming opponent for Big G, the nefarious simian has an ace up his sleeve. There are plenty of other big monsters for our titular duo to throw hands with and an undiscovered civilisation for the human characters to interact with. In terms of story its up there with the most batshit of the Toho movies but where those films just let the audience accept the wacky, Godzilla X Kong spends a little too long trying to justify itself.
More than any other of the Monsterverse entries the titular monsters really are the main characters of the film, or more specifically King Kong is. While the pair are both basically superheroes here, Godzilla is the powerful wildcard to Kong's leading man. Its the natural decision given the ease with which human characteristics can be applied to a big ape and director Adam Wingard leans hard on this angle. Whether he's wincing with tooth ache or swaggering through the jungle with his chest puffed out like a multi-storey chad, Kong is, for all intents and purposes, a giant, really strong human being. Likewise, Skar King smirks and laughs his way through his screen time and scenes with him, Kong and any other apes play out like wordless human interactions.
With the giants able to convey the movie's emotions it doesn't leave the human cast with much to do beside take on the role of comedy relief. The always likeable Brian Tyree Henry returns as monster podcaster Bernie and he is joined by Dan Stevens, proving once again he is one of Hollywoods most underrated stars as he brings the most laughs playing a zany adventurer/kaiju vet. There's also a fun turn from Alex Ferns, most known in the UK for his role as abusive Eastenders husband Trevor some twenty odd years ago. The "serious" acting is left to Rebecca Hall, returning as Kong expert Dr Ilene Andrews. This means that while everyone else is horsing around she's stuck delivering exposition and making sure we know she really cares about her adopted daughter. Hall is up to the task and sells it all gamely but there's no escaping the fact it feels like she is in a completely different film.
Realistically, any time a person is on screen they're just filling time until the next monster fight. The beast on beast violence comes thick and fast and while a couple of the encounters are disappointingly short or happen mainly off screen, the ones that deliver really deliver. The sense of scale the earlier movies had is diminished by the hallow earth setting and light on their feet monsters but in its place is some insanely innovative superhero fighting. The final 4-way showdown begins in hollow earth zero gravity before exploding onto the surface world as the massive combatants unleash fists, teeth, whips, axes, power gloves and deadly breath rays on each other in a crowd pleasing smackdown that pays homage to the classics while taking the spectacle to a whole other level.
Godzilla X Kong plays to the bleachers with more or less every scene designed to either make you laugh or marvel at the action and while it isn't high art, it is, in its own way very innovative. Keep them coming please.
8 rotten titan canines removed out of 10.
Immaculate (2024)
Nun with a Bun (in the oven)
Anybody who has seen the trailer for Immaculate may think they know exactly what they are in for. They would only be half right because while it is the film the trailer shows its also a little bit more and a whole lot louder.
Sydney Sweeney stars as Sister Cecilia, a nun who relocates to an old Italian convent that tends to dying nuns. Turns out the place is full of oddballs and when she becomes pregnant via miraculous conception she discovers that while she is treated with awe as the new Virgin Mary she is also a prisoner, not even allowed to leave to visit hospital.
Sweeney also produces the movie having auditioned (and been passed over) for a role in a version of the story ten years ago. That iteration ended up falling by the wayside and at first glance it seems strange the Anyone but You star would have held on to the idea for so long. After all, its not as if Nuns and spooky pregnancies are exactly box breaking territory for a horror film. Immaculate has some tricks up its sleeve though, in the form of a refreshingly gritty edge, one of the most memorable (and well earned) endings of recent years and a lead role that allows the actress to show plenty of acting muscle.
For most of the runtime the plot is fairly pedestrian and the convent isn't exactly packed with subtle characters (the wrong'uns may as well have villain tattooed on their forehead) but it covers the horror bases. There's jump scares, the psychological horror of Cecilia being trapped both externally in the convent and by the unescapable thing growing inside her and some grizzly physical horror. Immaculate hits all these elements hard, starting with a gruesome opening that lets the audience know what they're in for and building to a barnstorming and cathartic ending. The setting helps too, with the fantastic looking Italian convent giving the film a bug budget aesthetic and making it feel like the events are actually taking place against a Catholic backdrop (something many films that try fail). Add in a full blooded performance from a fully committed lead actress and what could have been another nun of the mill nun horror is something far more memorable.
Immaculate isn't perfectly paced and is predictable in some areas but technical quality and daring attitude make the film more than the sum of its parts and a must see for horror fans.
Dune: Part Two (2024)
Is that a Giant Sandworm in your pocket...?
Dune : Part Two picks up more or less straight after the events of part one and follows Paul Atreides as he and his mother Lady Jessica take refuge with the Fremen. They then set about befriending\radicalising the desert natives to aid in their revenge against the forces that wiped out their family. Considering the monolithic task of adapting a book as thematically dense as Dune the story plays out with remarkable clarity and the visual effects set a new high bar in grand sci fi realism. Still, its not a film that everybody with get on with.
First thing is first, it would be a waste of time to try and watch this without seeking out 2021's part one first as a brief opening catch up is unlikely to get any Arrakis virgins up to speed and the relentless pace of events here doesn't leave time for filling in the gaps. For all the spectacle he delivers, director Denis Villenueve's greatest strength is his storytelling laser focus and the skill that stopped the time wrangling philosophy of Arrival getting lost in the weeds allows him to cut through the dense Dune source material here. The film does away with the books years long time skip while Paul lives with the Fremen and sees him quickly rise to the status of "Lisan al Gaib", a messiah figure many of the Fremen believe will lead them to paradise. This shortening of the timeline may make things feel slightly less grand than its literary source but suits this telling of the story, making it clear the Dune dwellers never actually needed their chosen one. It also allows Rebecca Ferguson's Reverend Mother to look extra crazy as she plots from the sidelines, tattoo-faced and muttering to the foetus in her womb. Anything from the book that wouldn't further this particular version of the story is gone, with no mention of guilds and less depth to the Fremen culture. The emphasis is on coherent narrative rather than the trippy vibes of the 1984 David Lynch movie, which had some out there visuals but was thematically empty and incomprehensible to non book devotees. The different approaches mean this film (together with part one) and its 80's counterpart make fascinating companion pieces.
They may not be psychedelic but the visuals are breathtaking. Conversion from digital to film and back again, infra red rigged 3D cameras and other insane filming techniques combine with chunky, grand scale design to create one of the most lived in worlds ever put to screen. There's no shiny finish and smooth edges on the massive harvesting machines, its clear they're built for industrial purpose, to get a job done and get it done as cheaply as possible. The giant worms are a living part of the desert, exploding onto the screen like a sentient force of nature. Its all backed up by a soaring score and cinema shaking sound effects.
Timothee Chalamet turns out to be perfect casting for Paul. He ups his presence from the first film as the new head of House Atreides grows in to his chosen one persona but he's never completely comfortable. Essentially Chalamet is likeable enough that people would follow him but not charismatic enough that you believe he would ever achieve his status without the space nun's meddling. In terms of screen time, Paul is very much still the main character but the nature of the narrative means he is aloof from the human part of the story leaving Zendaya to carry the heart as Chani. Fortunately she has the necessary charisma in spades, anchoring the film with movie star charm that will see her on Hollywood's A-list for years to come. Fellow Freman Stilgar is played with earnest glee by Javier Bardem, who even manages to inject some rare humour into a Villenueve film with his Life of Brian esque dedication to the notion Paul is his messiah. Stand out amongst the new cast members is Austin Butler as mental case Harkonnen Feyd-Rautha. The murderous Na-Baron could easily have slipped into caricature but Butler anchors him with enough subtle nuance that he stays on the side of real character.
Its a performance that's needed too, since the Harkonnens in general can come across a little cartoony compared to the rest of the movie. The striking look is one thing but their constant blood lust is a bit much. Quite how they manage to run any sort of spice operation when the high ranking family members might randomly kill anyone near them at a moments notice is anyones guess. Christopher Walken is also a little distracting as Emperor Shaddam. He isn't bad, I mean its Christopher Walken, but in a film where everyone else blends seamlessly into their roles he is very obviously Christopher Walken.
Such quibbles feel mean spirited in the face of such a cinematic achievement. Dune Part 2 stands as a monumental example of big budget sci fi film making and accomplishes something once considered impossible in putting a coherent telling of this tale on the big screen.
8 none chipped and shattered blades out of 10.
Wicked Little Letters (2023)
Call the Mother F'n Midwife
Wicked Little Letters opens by telling the viewer that the film they are about see is a lot closer to real life events than they would think. While there are plenty of similarities between the film and the real life case of abusive letters in a 1920s sea side town the nastier edges have been sanded off to make a crowd pleasing comedy.
The story centres around neighbours Edith Swan (Olivia Coleman) and Rose Gooding (Jessie Buckley) after Edith begins to receive foul-mouthed letters from an anonymous ne'er-do-well. They are complete opposites, with hard drinking and foul-mouthed single mum Rose putting the frighteners up the street while the prim and proper Edith still lives at home with her overbearing parents. Despite their differences the two had struck up a friendship but a falling out prior to the start of the letters arriving means Rose is suspect number one.
The story, while slight, is interesting and the period setting is well realised but the film's two main strengths are the fact its genuinely funny and has a fantastic cast. Buckley sells Rose as both the tough, cynical survivor and the tender mother while Coleman adds some spikiness to the naive, well spoken home bunny she could play in her sleep. The supporting cast are excellent too, ranging from Joanna Scanlan's hilarious farmer to Timothy Spall's controlling father. Particular props to Anjana Vasan as the only competent cop forced to watch in bewilderment from the sidelines because she is female.
While everything is well paced and entertaining the film does have some balance issues. Director Thea Sharrock and writer Jonny Sweet succeed in giving the audience a good time but the light hearted tone can make the handling of issues such as sexism, prejudice, poverty and mental abuse feel a little too twee. There is also a noticeable shift every time Timothy Spall is on screen as his character is such a piece of garbage that the joy is sucked out the room whenever he appears.
Overall, Wicked Little Letters is a fun period piece with a couple of great leads who elevate the material from could watch to should watch.
7 foxy behinds out of 10.
Madame Web (2024)
(Web) Swing and a Miss
Is Madame Webb good? No. Is Madame Webb, as some of the reaction would have you believe, an ungodly affront to cinema that plums new depths in the comic book genre? No. Is it a bland and completely forgettable film that seems to have no purpose in existing aside from rights retention? Yes.
After a brief prologue in the Amazon the plot focuses on Cassandra Webb, a paramedic who develops the power to see into the future. The ability seems to be the result of a near death experience but are also related to a ritualistic spider bite received by her pregnant mother. I guess when you're Madam Webb a spider has to be involved somewhere. There's even an attempt spin her powers as spider related but its tenuous to say the least (she sees "the web that connects us all"??). Whatever the cause she powers up just in time as there are a trio of teenage girls about to be killed by an evil Spiderman because he too can see the future and knows they will one day off him after getting their own powers.
There is the kernel of a fun movie in here. An unstoppable killer pursuing the main characters Terminator style while Cassandra use her future vision to get them out of tight spots has the potential for some cool set pieces but the film wastes so much time doing nothing. There is a large part of proceedings dedicated to making sure the audience know this is Spiderman adjacent. Cassandra works with "uncle' Ben Parker, who just met a women he's really into and his sister in law is about to have a baby, there's even a scene where they tease the babies name. Its all very boring and, given we know it isn't going anywhere, completely pointless. Even once the we are up and running there are only a couple of underwhelming encounters with the baddie and the bonding between Cassie and the girls is perfunctory.
None of the cast do anything wrong but they aren't given much to work with. The three future spiderwomen are likeable enough but are stuck with generic teen personas, there's a science nerd, a rebel and one who is worried about being deported. Tahar Rahim is a top drawer actor but as villain Ezekiel Sims he's a walking cardboard cut out, his only characterisation being that he is motivated to kill the girls before they "destroy everything he has built". Aside from a swanky apartment and nice car it is never made clear exactly what it is he has built. Lead actress Dakota Johnson can, as anyone who has seen Fifty Shades of Grey will attest, sell some pretty limp dialogue but even she struggles at times here. Its a pity she's let down by the script as you get the feeling she could have been a natural blockbuster lead with some decent support.
For some reason this is also the longest film in Sony's No Spiderman Spiderman Universe at nearly two hours. A strange decision given there's so little plot. A little trimming of the fat and better set pieces and they would have had a passable superhero film, by current standards anyway, rather than the cultural punching bag Madam Webb has become. With all mention of their other properties removed from this movie it seems Sony really want everyone to forget about it as soon as possible. Shouldn't be too difficult to oblige them.
4 mothers researching spiders in the Amazon just before they died out of 10.
Argylle (2024)
The Spy Who Forgot They Loved Me
Argylle is further proof that Mathew Vaughn is a director of style. You can always rely on his films to have some visual flair and stylish action sequences. How good the films actually are can vary wildly and Argylle is pretty much slap bang in the middle of his filmography quality wise.
Bryce Dallas Howard plays Elly Conway, a writer of spy fiction who is so good at predicting espionage antics that her books have actually described the real antics of a shady renegade group of agents who know want to abduct her to gain the inside track on a missing computer drive that could expose them. Trying to keep her out of their clutches, and recover the drive himself, is good guy spy Sam Rockwell.
The movie is actually a fairly different from the one many people may have expected based on the trailers. Henry Cavill is in the film as square haired super spy Argyll (along with his even more musclebound sideman John Cena), but only as part of Elly's thoughts. This mainly boils down to an opening sequence and a few action scenes that cut between Rockwell doing whatever he can to off the bad guys and Cavill effortlessly dispatching them in Elly's imagination, a total of 10-15 minutes screen time. What we actually get is something of an action rom-com focused on Dallas Howard and Rockwell. While this may annoy those who came to see the former Superman its a nice change of tone for Vaughn compared to a Kick Ass or Kingsman film. The smooth action remains but out go the crude jokes and blood in favour of a pretty sweet storyline of saving the day together.
Said storyline is, on the one hand, a basic globetrotting (or standing in front of a green screen) Mcguffin chase but the twists come thick and fast. Barely fifteen minutes ever goes by without a reveal of some kind and while they vary in effectiveness and logic the frenetic pace means the film never feels like it is coasting. Still, come the final credits you may be left wondering exactly what was going on, especially after a bizarre final revelation and mid credits scene that either reframe the movie or are completely meaningless.
Carrying the film through even the least convincing stretches are the stellar cast. Bryce Dallas Howard has screen prescience and likability for days and gets to show off some range. Sam Rockwell is such a natural in a role like this you wonder why nobody has been able to tempt him to do more of these kind of movies. Together they have great chemistry and their unfolding relationship carries the film. They are ably assisted by a supporting cast including the like of Catherine O'Hara, Bryan Cranston and Samuel L. Jackson.
To say everything about Argylle completely works would be an overstatement and it doesn't come together as well as Vaughn's best, but if you're in the mood for a fun, twisty slice of action anchored by two charismatic leads then you could do a lot worse.
7 grumpy faced cats out of 10.
The Iron Claw (2023)
The Brothers Very Grim
The Iron Claw is a heavy film. Zac Efron's body is heavy with muscle. His character, Kevin Von Elrich, is heavy with the weight of family expectations. Come the end of the film his heart is heavy with loss. A jolly couple of hours in the cinema this is not but it is very watchable and notable as an eye catching debut from writer/director Sean Durkin and for some top notch performances.
The film is based on the true story of the Von Elrich brothers. In addition to Kevin there's Kerry (Jeremy Allen White), David (Harris Dickinson) and Mike (Stanley Simmons). Their father Fritz took wrestling so seriously that he changed his family name to that of his character but was never able to capture the most coveted titles and demands that his sons either finish what he started or achieve sporting excellence in some other way. He holds no truck with the old adage that you shouldn't play favourites with your kids, happily telling them what order he ranks them in, with potential Olympic discus contender Kerry occupying number one. If you think their religious mother Doris provides the unconditional warmth they don't get from daddy then think again, "that's what your brothers are for" Kevin is dismissively told when he asks to speak to her. The parents are no pantomime villains, they think pushing their kids and teaching them self-reliant toughness is setting them up for success, but throwing the kind hearted boys into the meat grinder of professional wrestling with no emotional support beyond "bring home the bacon son" has tragic consequences.
And boy are they tragic. Its worth baring in mind as the misery piles up that the real story is even worse. There is a whole brother left out of this retelling as Durkin (correctly) surmised the film just couldn't take more grief. Even as is it can be a bit of a stretch. There are moments of triumph and cosy togetherness but once the wheels come off the hits keep on coming at such a speed that they become routine and it is hard to feel their full impact.
What keeps the film on track, no matter how close to Greek tragedy the events steer it, are the performances. Everyone is terrific but while its something of an ensemble piece the main focus is on Effron's Kevin and he uses his natural gifts to full effect. Not many people have the genetics to get as shredded as the former Disney kid is here and his physique really sells the idea that his character is the most dedicated of them all. All the muscle is in stark contrast to his puppy dog eyes, making Kevin look like an innocent child trapped inside his hulking body and forced to carry the weight of the world on his shoulders when all he wants is a quiet life with his family. Playing a man who doesn't have the tools to express his feelings, Efron shows it all with the most subtle face acting and the fact he's still seen as the High School Musical kid is probably the only reason he didn't get an Oscar nomination.
Fans of professional wrestling may find a couple of things distracting. Aaron Dean Eisenberg appears as Ric Flair and while he acts exactly how you would expect he doesn't really look, or more importantly sound, anything like him. Also, by focusing so hard on the family dynamic as the driving factor behind all the tragedy the film glosses over many of the other potential factors. A combination of head trauma, drug addiction, steroid abuse and general brutal lifestyle has taken a horrible toll on wrestlers (particularly of that era) and while you see a little of that here its very much all on the back burner in favour of a clear "sins of the father" storyline.
Still, making a movie about this story and not only making it watchable, but actually managing to leave the audience feeling somewhat upbeat come the time the credits role is a great achievement and testament to the fact everyone here has brought something special to the production.
8 tap outs out of 10.