Clovermoss

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Hi Clovermoss, I was sorry to read about your loss[1]. Grief is not an easy emotion and we mourn our most beloved pets as family. The loss of their physical presence and support can be just as difficult, they are pillars in our lives. I see that you are worried about your related increased wikipedia editing and I wanted to take a minute to offer my thoughts in the spirit that they may be of some help to you... Many many people use volunteer labor as a way of healthily dealing with painful and stressful things in their lives, as long as you think that your increased editing isn't having a negative effect on anyone on wikipedia or on your wellbeing I think you're ok. Finding a way to channel these feelings (even that feeling of not wanting to feel feelings) into something constructive is important, I'm not saying that wikipedia has to be that thing for you or the only thing but if this is the thing thats super cool and I wouldn't feel bad about it. My condolences again, Horse Eye's Back (talk) 16:18, 2 August 2024 (UTC)Reply

Well she literally died this morning so I don't know what my edit rate will even look like. There's some other factors in the near future that'd make the feasibility of a wikibreak more difficult even if I wished to take one. But everything is still very fresh. I'm just thinking about how I reacted when one of the relatives died last summer and I thought that I'd want to take a wikibreak but then I didn't really end up taking one and just ended up editing more. But there was also a time when I was really depressed and I didn't edit at all for a year. I can't tell the future so I'm just going to be mindful and see where that takes me. I archived my talk page because it felt like I was doing something. Out of sight and out of mind. On to the next thing. I'm not sure if that makes sense?

A lot of my life has been very difficult and I do genuinely try to work through things productively. To some extent it's because life goes on and you just have to. I try to be in tune with when I feel things and why I do the things that I do. Sometimes I worry that I'm too open about this, to be quite frank. But I just want people to see and understand me, y'know? See that my heart is in the right place and that I'm just someone trying to do their best to make a difference in a crappy world. Being able to be productive can sometimes help me process things. Sometimes I become a bit of a workaholic even. Distraction is one of the best healthy coping mechanisms I have. It's a fine line between that and avoidance but I'm sure I'll be fine with time. It's okay to hurt and to process things.

Anyways, my cat was taken to the vet because she wasn't feeling well. I was hoping it wouldn't be bad news but it was. An aggressive form of breast cancer that was spreading into her lungs. She would continue to suffer and things would escalate really quickly. So she was put down like the vet suggested. Clovermoss🍀 (talk) 16:31, 2 August 2024 (UTC)Reply

I'm sorry, CM :-( Levivich (talk) 21:53, 2 August 2024 (UTC)Reply

Just know that I'm here for you alright? I know your future right now is intense. I feel like we have a similar mindset. I really want people to understand that I'm trying to do the right thing, but it's always a pressing worry that they don't. Anyway I'll be quiet so that you can get back to distracting yourself, because I don't want you to have any more emotional burdens in your life right now. You know yourself better than I do, so do whatever you feel is right. The Night Watch (talk) 23:31, 2 August 2024 (UTC)Reply

I appreciate all the support. But I wanted to reply directly to The Night Watch because I know you know that I see that you're always trying to do the right thing, even if you beat yourself up about mistakes. You're never a burden. Please take care of yourself, too. Clovermoss🍀 (talk) 23:34, 2 August 2024 (UTC)Reply

It's true that I don't take care of myself as best as I should sometimes. I had a conversation today about how poorly I've been eating and how I'm now underweight. But I feel like you're sometimes too harsh on yourself, like how you've been feeling shaky right now. The responses here alone show that people appreciate you. I don't want you to worry about what's to come, or to drown yourself emotionally by listening to the sufferings of others. But if you really think I won't create more pressure I'll be here for you in private. The Night Watch (talk) 04:06, 3 August 2024 (UTC)Reply

@The Night Watch: I didn't know about the lack of eating. That honestly makes me even more concerned for you. Please try to take care of yourself and maybe find out how to access additional mental health resources in your community? It can honestly make a world of difference. I worry about you and want you to be successful in your life. You can always reach out to be in private if you need to. I'm here for you. Clovermoss🍀 (talk) 04:13, 3 August 2024 (UTC)Reply

Sorry to hear about your loss. I hope your life gets better. --Rusty 🐈 03:41, 3 August 2024 (UTC)Reply

Sorry to hear about your loss. GrayStorm^{(Complaints Dept.|My Contribs.)} 04:03, 3 August 2024 (UTC)Reply